Saturday, August 8, 2009

I don't want my meat suit anymore

I put on 5 pounds over two weeks.  I'm working so hard.  I skipped dinner last night.  No popcorn or ice cream at the movies.  No dinner at all.  I had fish for lunch.  I just can't take this upward swing of the scale anymore.  I did have dim sum but that was over two weeks ago!  I'm skipping dinner at least ever other day.  I'm eating nuts, vegetables, lean meats, and abstaining from much fruit.  I did have some grapes on Thursday.  I am increasing my mileage.  Why is this happening!  Oh help.  Maybe its stress.  Or water.  It might be 1 pound of water but not 5.  I"m not puffy at all.  I've had so many nights where I was so hungry I could cry, why aren't i thinner?  Why is this happening.  I just feel like giving up.  Why bother with all the work when all I do is getting more and more frustrated?  I just don't see the point to me at all.  I'm just a resource sink.  I don't provide any money around here and all I did was have a failure business, twice!  I can't even get a job as an office assistant.  There is no point to me at all.  God I hate it here.  I had a small piece of home made pizza yesterday.  My belly feels awful.    

ok.  back to the drawing board.  

1. cut out nuts
2. cut out fried fish
3. cut out cat's cookies
4. cut out raisins/fruit
5. cut out flax muffins (did not work)
6. cut out meals out until I'm at my goal weight.
7. cut out weight training
8. Cut out organic cereal.
9. Cut out people who stress me out.

1. more oil/small amount of juice
2. use only fish oil instead of eating fish (can't have fish in the house)
3. have chicken bites instead of cat's cookies
4. have cucumber medallions instead of higher glycemic index fruits
5. go back to just using oat meal and taking magnesium
6. how the hell am I supposed to network?  Just have a salad and ice water?
7. do yoga instead of weight training
8. just 1/2 cup oat meal
9. The person who stresses me is a blood relative  I don't know what to do about that. 

God I'm so frustrated.  it sucks to hell.  

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