Saturday, July 5, 2008

A little up

200.4  But, I think thats water retention.

Inside Out Weight Loss podcast episode one homework.  I'm starting from episode one again.  This is something we can do over and over until we have reached our goals.  And even then revisiting it is not a bad idea.

My away from motivation:

PCOS.  Hair on my face.  My ovaries (a follicle) are not always happy.  Endometriosis.  Fat around my middle.  I put on muscle like a man does.  It is very frustrating to be mistaken for a transsexual when I was born as a female.  

My second away from motivation: its still thighs that rub together.  I get skin rubbed run every summer.  I have scars between my legs from that.  

I can't perform all of my yoga poses to my flexibility level because my tummy gets in the way.  

I think that last one is half away and half towards.

My newest away from motivation:  I tried on a bathing suit in a department store.  And caught a view of myself in the mirror.  I was horrified and in tears.  Somehow I was never aware of how bad I looked.  Luckily, I was alone.

My towards motivation:  Be able to run a mile without stopping in 10 minutes.  I'm a new runner and for me that is a goal I would like to achieve.  

Wear a dress in a single digit.  I would like to see 160 on the scale.  I don't ever remember being 160.  I was 168 at the age of 13.

I would like to go on one of those Cathe Friedrich Pilgrimage trips to New Jersey.  She is a step aerobics instructor.  And just incredible.  I would like to look like her someday.

I know I want to change because:

The prospect of allowing another decade to pass in this state is more than I can think about without tearing up.  Wow.  The tears are even there now.

My unwanted behaviours include:  Eating sweets that I know cause my PCOS.  Chips ain't it peeps!

My unwanted symptoms:

Unable to run a mile.  I can only manage 6 or 7 minutes out of 20.  High cholesterol.  Not as fit as I would like in terms of cardiovascular out put.  I never wear sleeveless shirts in public because of my wings.  You know, wings.  Upper arms that sway with the breeze.

The consequences of these symptoms:

No confidence.  I always feel that when someone compliments me that htey are just doing it to make me feel good not because its actually true.  I'm a bit shy.  I don't go out as much because I have low energy.  

The people who are effected:

My immediate family.  The friends I don't have.  

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