Sunday, July 26, 2009

Sticking points

For the past week or so I have been having flashbacks of a nasty bully I had for 4 years.  She followed me, sexually harassed me, called me hateful racial slurs (I'm native.) Generally, she was a brat for a long time, I could not avoid her, the teacher forced me to sit with her.  She encouraged boys to sexually harass me.  They exposed themselves and threatened me with bodily harm for two hours every day on the school bus.  Because I did not want to run the risk of my brother's homeschooling situation being investigated, I never did anything other than verbal response, of course that doesn't work.  But, its what I had.  At the time I was between 130-168 pounds.  The next stage in my weight loss is that pound range.  Sandra Ahten has mentioned that sometimes people get stuck in a weight because they have unfinished business with the time of their lives when they were that weight.  I thought I was over that.  In a way, I have learned that my bully was jealous, inferior, and knew it and the best thing that she could think of to do was to be mean.  I know she was sexually active at the age of 11.   She used to give her boyfriend blow jobs in the back of the school bus.  It was disgusting.  Isn't that tragic? I guess its progress to just feel pity now.  

I had to look myself in the eye this morning and tell myself that I did not have to go back there anymore and that those horrible people wouldn't bother me anymore if I just let it go.  So, as if by magic, I was down two pounds.  Weird.  And just a little spooky.

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