Sunday, April 4, 2010

Owning all of my choices

Spark just sent out a journal suggestion. They ask, "When you site back and look at the decisions you've made in your life, are you happy with the route you've paved?" My answer is a resounding yes and no. I was able to try something that most people don't even attempt. I discovered it wasn't for me, at least not in the iteration as it exists now. I also am learning that I am not going to be content in a job that is 'dead end.' That idea has produced this never ending hunger which expresses itself as food hunger but really can't be satisfied with food at all. I am hungry for life and I don't know what to eat (purely metaphorically.)

There are doors that are closed to me because of my being human. I'm not cut out to work 20 hour days. I'm just not. I'm not 18 years old. I need to eat regularly, sleep regularly, and to actually earn a reasonable pay check.

There are personal relationships in my life that trouble me. I'm not always sure what to do or if I should do anything at all. I don't have the rudder I used to have. I always knew what I wanted and I don't have a simple or clear path anymore.

People often say, "We will cross that bridge when come to it." Well. Here is the bridge. Now what? I feel as though I've come across half a dozen forks and I have no idea which way to turn or if I should just turn around.

The intent I will set is that tonight I will sleep well, I will wake rested and assured of what steps to take next. Does that sound good to you?

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